Y????

There are moments that you would like to cherish forever and there are those that you would like to get your mind off as soon as possible since they can hurt you so much emotionally, psychologically. You do things that bring happiness or pleasure, to you and to others, but when sometimes you sit back and ponder over it, it seems to be a apocalypse that you have started and a time bomb whose clock you have started. You regret and you feel guilty but feel miserable about your doings is all that you can do. You want to apologies, say I am sorry but how and what made you do it, didn’t you think twice before acting on something, don’t you know what this means and what impact can this have on the other people, are all the questions that are coming in my mind. Will these actions haunt someone, regret having a relationship with you, and regret having met you who seemed like a very good friend, on whom they can rely for the rest of your mind.

I don’t know what I have in store but I am feeling so guilty for things that I have done, bring pain to someone. I want to know what the other person is thinking, what’s going in his mind, what are the things that the other person wants to say. Does he want to yell at me, curse me because of what I have made him now which he was not before? Why do I have to do all these things again and again, repeat my mistakes and wait to be get laid. Can I make someone close to me stay close to me without making them feel hurt and making them go away. Can I make them love me 100% and nothing less than that. Why do we meet people who come so close to you as time goes by and suddenly you sense that everything is going to fall apart? You seem so helpless and all the things look inevitable. Life teaches you a lot of lessons and it up to you to learn from it and implement but I fail...y?? Does the influence of the other person on me is so strong that whenever we are together, I do not want to think anything but of the moments that are being shared, moments of togetherness, unified-although for few hrs. These moments seem to be the best thing happening but then they have you end life a beautiful dream but I hate being at the breaking end almost always.

I want to stop blaming myself so much since the other person just seems to be driven by my script and lose all its control over him. I am no pied-piper but then you sometime underestimate your own abilities. I am always looking for answers and wish these can be provided to make me a better person.