one answer!

What will I do in life ? What I want to do in life ? What is happening in my life ?
I have tried to analyze these 3 questions over the years and I have come to one conclusion.
Why I can't be a Fighter Pilot? Why am I not in IIT today ? Why am I not working in a good organization today ?
There's only answer to it : I never actually wanted to do it. I always wished it happens to me. I was always sitting and wishing all the good things in life just fall into my lap.
I was never clear about my goals.
When I am hungary and I can't find anything to eat ? I look for it and if I can't find it, I still do some arrangement but at least I eat.
When I knew that my exam is coming next day, I would study and study and finish everything off on a single night. Whew!!! , because I never wanted to flunk my exam. I want to do well in exam so I do every possible thing to make it a success. We have a bad habbit of learning from our own mistakes. Those who learn from other mistakes are termed as "Genius".
We have a bad tendency to always listen things but never realize what they actually mean. We never plan things and always wish the failures don't happen but inside your sub concious mind, you know it is bound to happen and you don't have a backup plan for it. You go with the wind and turn whereever the waves turn you and finally you're thrown on the shore and you're stranded and wondering thinking this was not my destination.


Stress on a string too much and it breaks immediately. Stress mildly and it stays taunt and straight. Don't stress it at all and it swings here and there.
Relationships are exactly like that. And you need to know when to stress, how much to stress and when not to do it at all.

Love is blind. You never know when it happens and when it happens, you can't do anything about it. Love makes life go round. Love is beautiful. It should happen at a time when you realize what is coming next. It should happen when you're mature enough to handle the feeling. It should come at a time when you're sure that you WANT him/her and not WISH him/her. There's a hell lot of difference. When you want it, you make your mind that you've to go for her/him, then "how to do it" happens automatically. When you wish it, then "How to FALL in love" happens and you keep falling deep and deep and one fine day, you're even scared to look in the mirror.

Today, my plans are clear and my goal times are set. Love is over and I have no intentions to start all over it again. But then, it might happen at some other time, and that time is no where as far as I can see.

Searching...

We all know that true meaningful relationships come when we are loved and accepted for whom we are at our core, not simply for acting the right way in our relationships so as to keep the other person in it. But sometimes this becomes a necessity to survive and keep few people close to you, either to get a job done or be close to them since that makes you feel good about your self. What if the other person keeps hurting you, repeatedly over a period of time, unintentionally? Can we let it go since that was not meant to hurt and was not done with a definite purpose and it just happened? Or we can distance yourself from the other person to make them suffer and make him know much it hurts when a loved one hurts. It depends person to person how he looks at things but ultimately if a relationship is stressed, it usually breaks or looses its shine that it had before. Whoever said that fighting strengthens a relationship wouldn’t had a lot of fighting’s with anyone close to him. I seem to be fighting for no apparent or solid cause and I wonder why this all is happening. Is this indicating to something coming my way, any good or bad news and wants me to distance myself from the sender. This can’t happen since the other person is too close to me that I can take pain but don’t seem to want to go away. I know that this will hurt very badly when that person actually goes away.

Y????

There are moments that you would like to cherish forever and there are those that you would like to get your mind off as soon as possible since they can hurt you so much emotionally, psychologically. You do things that bring happiness or pleasure, to you and to others, but when sometimes you sit back and ponder over it, it seems to be a apocalypse that you have started and a time bomb whose clock you have started. You regret and you feel guilty but feel miserable about your doings is all that you can do. You want to apologies, say I am sorry but how and what made you do it, didn’t you think twice before acting on something, don’t you know what this means and what impact can this have on the other people, are all the questions that are coming in my mind. Will these actions haunt someone, regret having a relationship with you, and regret having met you who seemed like a very good friend, on whom they can rely for the rest of your mind.

I don’t know what I have in store but I am feeling so guilty for things that I have done, bring pain to someone. I want to know what the other person is thinking, what’s going in his mind, what are the things that the other person wants to say. Does he want to yell at me, curse me because of what I have made him now which he was not before? Why do I have to do all these things again and again, repeat my mistakes and wait to be get laid. Can I make someone close to me stay close to me without making them feel hurt and making them go away. Can I make them love me 100% and nothing less than that. Why do we meet people who come so close to you as time goes by and suddenly you sense that everything is going to fall apart? You seem so helpless and all the things look inevitable. Life teaches you a lot of lessons and it up to you to learn from it and implement but I fail...y?? Does the influence of the other person on me is so strong that whenever we are together, I do not want to think anything but of the moments that are being shared, moments of togetherness, unified-although for few hrs. These moments seem to be the best thing happening but then they have you end life a beautiful dream but I hate being at the breaking end almost always.

I want to stop blaming myself so much since the other person just seems to be driven by my script and lose all its control over him. I am no pied-piper but then you sometime underestimate your own abilities. I am always looking for answers and wish these can be provided to make me a better person.

....hankering...

The desires stand to convert a person into what he was not before and an ambition seems like a self styled reflection that a person wishes to see of his-self in the future. The development of the human mind is greatly hindered if a craving force is drawing the mind away from its intended purpose. It’s the urge to perform better, better than self at every point.
Unfortunately, I wanted to be a naval officer but I am ending up doing my master’s in Computer applications and seeking a career in handling a company’s huge databases. We may think about doing something and the reversal happens and you end up doing something that you would have only liked and not preferred. People say whatever happens, happens for the better but you may ponder over it and think, Why with me? You may be able to reach places in life after choosing an alternative career but that desire to be at a particular position in that job that you have preferred and not able to get stays in a special corner of your heart. The pain may be a trifle one but a pain is a pain is a pain. You have to move on and search for brighter horizons. Believe me, if at some point in my life, I get the opportunity to be in the navy, I wouldn’t leave that opportunity and rather change than live with my desires unfulfilled. I seek challenges and if there aren’t any in the present scenario, better to change.
There are a lot of ambitions to fulfill and fingers crossed to be able see them getting fulfilled. I have come across a lot of people who have set good reachable targets but are apprehensive about their future due to lack of confidence, resources, contacts which they don’t know have. May be directly or indirectly and maybe they do not know how to harness them to their good and in a limit. People come in someone’s life due to a reason and stay till they can provide any help to the person and then their role changes to support and feel the person better about himself. They are best buddies a person can have and surprisingly, they are selected by the person itself unknowingly.
Wishing here that, problems or no problems, I would be able to achieve the goal that I have set out for.

Cravings

a human being's craving seems like a never ending saga which seems to continue till infinity and possibly beyond that. This life for me seems to be too little to fulfill everything and then maybe I can't think of everything that I want to achieve in this life. Soar high, be enterprising, prevent addiction and be envious, longing for someone, together, with whom I can achieve the impossible. For me, ambition is THE driving force behind every action, as this is what is responsible for an upswing in one’s life. It can be set as high as the stars but you still have to achieve them. If you do not have a desire to achieve or prove something, then you are as good as reaching nowhere on a journey, no matter how much you travel.